anyway, yes this is term 3...
=X
i used to imagine how life would be in term 3
and now yes, i am living in it...
warning: this i going to be an abnormal post...
anyway, i really feel that i am so not myself these days
perhaps i have watched too much of magic 18 shows?
lol. but yeahh.
but mainly, i know the reason deep in my heart
i am so distant away from God
and yet, i am not doing anything about it
:(
it all started with the first day of temr 3
where one by one all the revision schedule comes in...
and i got to know the fact that
prelims are in six weeks time
and it clashes with the leadership conference i signed up from church
=X
and yes, i drown in my own circumstances.
i really dunno what to do.
how? oh my goodness
everything seems so near
last week marks the end of common tests which i did badly
6 to 7 weeks later marks prelims
after prelims marks A levels.
and the usual me is to try to do things to get my mind off...
so i do and do and do and do and do and do and do MORE AND MORE things
try attempting as much qns as i can from the revision books
and they are so thick
nvr seems to end...
and then on wednesday, Ms Goh, our new bio tutor came in..
and she starts saying about getting ourselves ready for A levels and stuff
and i know that i can't take it anymore
yes its like so wierd.
when she is saying those things, tears sort of well up in my eyes
i seriously dunno why i am tearing
i smsed aubrey but she nvr reply..
anyway, after that got back our bio paper
and she went through it
i really like her style of teaching
super great! can recap and test my concept
seriously, i can't wait for bio tutorial tml! (:
and she is a really nice teacher although she looks super fierce
like AUBREY LEE! (:
after her lesson, i went to find pf and talked to her
thanks girl (:
i really wann thank God for her, elaine and my cg ppl
elaine is really so super nice
i talked to her over phone cause she have paper next day
and then i told her everything
i cant believe that i told her i wann stop serving God
this is so so so wrong
where has the passion gone to?
unstoppable church camp is LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY!!!
ahhhhs. and then she started to tell me the importance
and how God taught her an impt lesson etc
and it sort of bring me back to my mind...
anyway, after bathing i started worshipping in my room
and then i broke down during worship
huh... although aubrey says i always cry during worship
but now is at home
its like so different!
i cried at home? and my parents were both at home can?
but duh. you know what they are doing
-.-
anyway, after that i slept and woke up to do more work
but thank God for being there with me through it all
(:
dunno why either i am extremely tired today...
although i may not know what results may turn out
one thing i need to learn
trust God.
but how?
:(
i told limin that yeah, i am going to stop serving God in some aspects...
but i am really afraid.
3 persons have told me this
if something hinders you from giving your all to God
He will remove that thing from you..
huh... then if i focus too much in studies
will God take it away from me?
:(
sometimes it is just so difficult to make a decision
if i can, i also wann outreach every single day and sing his praises in choir
yeahh. i still need to live in this world...
or am i like what ronald say
too obsessed till my thinking is totally distorted?
=X
haiis. but anyway, yes
now i have made the decision to outreach on thurs only
2 hours per week to bring the lost to God
5 hours per week for service plus fellowship
4 hours per week for caregroup
0.5 hours per day to seek God
its alr close to a day of time
plus still have sherpherdings, unit meetings etc.
oh mann
somehow, i think what aubrey says may be true
life without God, we will be able to live so much freely
cause we wun really need to think about what God will think with every action that we do
and we could have spend so much more time outside...
but yes, deep in my heart, we both know that
a life without God is MEANINGLESS!
bring me back to the heart of worship Lord.
hold my hand, never let me go
i really can't take a step without you
you must be greater greater greater in me!
this is my prayer.
and i know that ppl around me are facing the stress too
God, i pray that you will save them too.
(:
